I am writing today with another story about what this cause means to me and why I am so passionate about it. I actually got permission last year from Julia to share this story but I was afraid that I couldn't express myself correctly, or I might trigger strong emotions in some of my friends... so I didn't... but I think it is important so here goes. This is my story about Leyla.

When I became a firefighter and an EMT I realized that in a small community like Ithaca not only would I be given the chance to help strangers, but I would also end up in situations where I would have opportunities to help people I know. So when I saw my friend Katie's sister Julia standing in the ER... looking somewhat lost... I approached her and she told me that after some imaging at CMC that Leyla was being transferred... and she told me what she was afraid that it was. I remember hearing words like "a mass in her brain," and "tumor." I don't remember anyone saying the word cancer, but the shadow of the disease had darkened the space we were in like a thunderstorm. Here was a chance for me to be useful, and to try to help a friend, so I switched around assignments, and I stayed late to make sure that I drove the trip. I couldn't ride in the back with Leyla because I wasn't a paramedic yet.

I think Leyla mostly rested for the trip, and I talked to Julia. I don't remember what we talked about, but Julia has told me that having me there helped. My brain always leans to the most optimistic outcome in situations like this and I think that while I would never tell someone that things will be "fine" or that they will work out, I think that my ability to stay present in the moment and stay optimistic makes me somewhat useful in these situations.

My partner Johnny Mac and I dropped Leyla and Julia off and returned to our lives that day. But Leyla and her family, friends, and eventually our entire community were never the same again. I mostly watched things after that from afar, I joined the Village and I checked in with Katie and Julia when I saw them. Like so many people I was inspired by watching this angel grow up in front of us, so courageously sharing her journey, so gracefully living life to the fullest. I stayed optimistic and prayed in the ways that I pray for her health and recovery.

When I signed up for St. Baldrick's, I didn't realize that the organization reached out to families and children, young men and women in the community that had been diagnosed with cancer, didn't realize that they came to these events as honored guests, but Katie told me that Leyla and Julia were planning on being there. I was excited to see Leyla again, I hadn't really talked to her since driving her to Rochester. The event came and I got a message from Katie that Leyla was not feeling up to making the event after her treatments that weekend. This was the point that my optimism took a giant hit. I couldn't stop imagining all the events missed, all the plans changed at the last minute, all the pain, all the sickness, all the suffering that these poor kids went through. Optimism can only go so far.... living in the moment can only take you so far. This disease is so unfair. And it made me so sad. And so mad.

Count me amongst those who choose to remember Leyla when life gets tough. I always try to remember to Live Life Like Leyla. Continuing to participate in St. Baldrick's is one way I can keep her lessons close to the front of my consciousness, honor her memory and hopefully one day we will beat this disease.

I'm shaving my head with St. Baldrick's to raise money and help conquer kids' cancers! Every 2 minutes a child is diagnosed with cancer worldwide, and 1 in 5 of those in the U.S. will not survive. I refuse to accept this reality, so I’ve decided to fundraise for lifesaving research to find cures and better treatments for kids.

Now I need your support! Your donation can fund research to help kids survive and thrive. Join me today and let’s #DFYchildhoodCancers together.