A lot of people wonder how a woman could willingly shave her head. Hair is something that most women pride themselves on, and they spend a lot of money and time making it look just right. The photo of me on this page was with my hair quite long, it had not been cut in the three years since my son's diagnosis and was down to my waist. I have since donated about 15 inches of it, and I currently have a much shorter style, but I wanted to post one of the few precious pictures I have of me with my son. So how could I shave my hair?
It is difficult to explain the feeling you get when a doctor tells you, "You child has cancer." Some compare it to being kicked in the gut, or stabbed in the heart, or havnig your heart just drop right out of your chest. Truth is, any of us would prefer those things to happen than to hear those awful words. By the end of three years of treatment, you have seen and heard more horror and despair than can be described, and you have had your hopes raised and dashed so often, you feel like you've been on the worst rollercoaster ride anyone could have dreamed up. You have to sit by and let the doctors and nurses pump poison into your brave little child, stick him over and over with painful shots, zap him with radiation, after tying his thin little body to a table. You have to sit by as they take endless scans and tests, and pump him full of someone else's blood and platelets. Often, the children are awake and aware for much of this. There is nothing in the world that can shatter a parent's heart more than having their five year old look at you with his big, beautiful, brown eyes and say, "It's OK mommy, I'm brave, I'll be OK", as he tries to comfort you after another doctor tells you, there isn't anything else we can do for him. And then, once he is gone, you can't help but second-guess every single decision you ever made.
After all of that, what does your hair mean to you? When you've lost a child, to lose a little hair doesn't seem to matter much. If someone would be willing to donate money to help find a cure for this horrible disease so that one day childhood cancer can be just a history lesson, gone the way of polio and small pox, then you would gladly shave it all off too.
The amazing thing is, it wasn't even Kendall who motivated me to shave my head, it was my friend Cindy. This is a woman who never had the chance to meet Kendall. I didn't even know her and hadn't even met her until a few weeks before he died. She emailed me to ask if she could do a fundraiser for my family. She was a member of my church, and she heard about us and wanted to do something nice for us. Sadly, Kendall died before the day of the event, but she went ahead and did it anyway, raising much needed money for my family, but more importantly, raising our spirits and moral. Her is a woman, a mother of two beautiful healthy boys, and she came and told me she was going to shave her head to raise money for St. Baldrick's in honor of Kendall, and another beautiful little girl she knows. She hadn't even been through all I had, and she was willing to give up her hair, just because she felt so touched by these children. I just couldn't let her do this by herself.
I hope that my story has touched you, and that you consider how little federal money goes to pediatric cancer research. I have set a rather lofty goal for myself, but I want people to know how serious I am. Your money will be going directly to pediatric cancer research, so that these children and their families can have a chance at a normal life. I am hopeful that I will see the cure in my lifetime. Though it will be too late for my precious Kendall, I am still determined to continue his fight for a cure.
