David's 20th birthday is 4 days away. I am grieving deeply. For so much that is lost. Each year on their birthday I write my kids a letter. I am not much of a memory keeper mom. I don't document and scrap book and hold onto much. But I write a letter. I shared this in 2013: https://www.stbaldricks.org/blog/post/a-letter-to-david-on-his-13th-birthday

As most of my long time friends know, I also celebrate David in a unique way. https://www.stbaldricks.org/blog/post/how-i-celebrate-my-son-on-two-wheels

With the pandemic, The 5 Boro will not take off and I miss my friends who have braved the streets with me so many years now. They are "here" but we can't just all be together and share miles and smiles and stories. I don't mind being alone. I probably prefer it as I age. But when you can't have them and every activity is solo - well, it gets long and the riding is never as fun. Celebrating David with the crew has become my tradition. Of course I can make new ones. Daisy and I are already cooking something up for Saturday! But as I sit here - alone. And think about David a little bit to long on this brilliant Tuesday, I realized what will make me feel better. Setting up David's birthday fundraiser. He wanted one thing from the day he was diagnosed and only one thing. It remains elusive. But we believe in science. We believe in research. We know there are cures coming. I also know the grim reality of the fundraising that has not been possible for St. Baldrick's as of yet this season. The pandemic started just as we were kicking off our events season. Our books close in June and what keeps me awake at night? The thought that worthy grants may go unfunded. What if one of them is what David wanted? So. While we are all facing an uncertain future, I am going to ask you to consider a small gift for David. He would be 20 so you know I love to go with that - $20! But I recognize that supporting direct COVID19 relief efforts may be more top of mind and fulfilling for you today. So $8 for his age at diagnosis. $10 for his age when he died. Or whatever you can do. And if you can't do anything, that is OK! You listen and comment and let me talk about David here and for that, I am eternally humbled and grateful. Your support as the grieving years keep ticking forward is what I most appreciate. If you can give, please do. Thank you so much for taking time to read the blogs I've written and this post. My sincere hope is that everyone stays safe and healthy until we can be together again in person!