UPDATE: I MADE MY GOAL. I SHAVED MY HEAD. WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME? (Don't forget to keep donating money! It's a great cause.)
UPDATE 4/11/2014: We surpassed goal #2! People (out of jealousy, I assume) have overwhelmingly voted for me to shave my head. There's still hope! You can still vote for me to keep my beautiful mane! Go down to "How This Will Work" to find out how...
UPDATE: WE DID IT. We surpassed the goal. In celebration, I'm going to raise it to 1,006. WHY?! Because my friend Tom once collected 1,005 AND HE CAN'T WIN. I want to win.
I win.
Also, not surprisingly, most people have voted for me to shave my head. BUT YOU CAN STILL VOTE. SO GO VOTE! (Instructions below.)
ORIGINAL POST:
Should I shave my head? I'm leaving that up to you...
My hair has touched many lives. Most importantly, it's touched my life. It's probably touched your life too. Maybe you caught a glimpse of it flowing in the wind, maybe it inspired you to shine bright under the summer sun… But again, most importantly, it's touched my life (after all, it is my hair and I am a better person than you).
I love my hair, you love my hair, and unless we do something, St. Baldrick's will make me shave it off in the name of charity…
… Conversely, if you hate my hair, you can help St. Baldrick's ensure every last strand gets cut off, swept up into a dustpan and thrown into the trash.
ISN'T CHARITY WONDERFUL
How This Will Work
Everyone who donates to my St. Baldrick's page will get to vote on whether I shave my head or not. The more money you donate, the more your vote counts (each whole dollar is a vote).
When you donate, choose the "List my name as entered below" option. Type in your name (or someone else's name, I don't give a shit), along with either "SHAVE" or "NOSHAVE." Come April 13th, I'll tally the votes and do as I'm told.
If you just want to donate to a great cause and have no desire to vote, go ahead… But! I'll be publicly flipping a coin for each ambiguous or anonymous donation. Heads will make your donation count toward keeping my hair, tails will make your contribution count toward getting' rid of it. If the coin stands on its end I'll shave my cats.
Why I should keep my hair:
* People love it long
* I love it long
* It looks terrible short
* I have a long neck
* Short hair and my long neck make me look like a sad velociraptor or a happy giraffe, which is cool, but it's still a giraffe
* People won't be able to tentatively touch it, asking, "Can I touch it?" despite the fact their fingers are already gliding through my brown mane
* I'll never look as good as Natalie Portman did
* It soaks up sweat, which individuals can then suck out if they so choose (no one's yet to choose to do that...)
* It gets in the way all the time
DISCLAIMER: I realize the act of shaving your head is noble, that it represents solidarity with the infants, children, teens, and young adults who end up losing their hair because of childhood cancers. So why try to avoid the head shaving like an asshole and a charlatan? For money. This seems like a great way to exploit my hair in a way that can help raise money for a good organization. Yeah, I'll be making an escapade of the process, and hopefully that works out for the best. Monetarily, that is.
